Reality Check
by Tashah2109
Summary: While Helen seems to be coping with losing Ashley to the outside world, her dreams seem to think otherwise. Only one person can get through to her. Helen/Nikola Fluff/Angst. Multi chapter. Contains scenes some may find upsetting
1. Chapter 1

So…I have been watching far too much Sanctuary, and I've had time on my hands due to being ill. Hence new fic, I haven't decided whether this will be a one shot or whether to carry it on. I just think that there was never enough exploration of how Helen dealt with losing Ashley…

The italics are her dream. Reviews make me very happy. Thanks. Tasha. Xx

(P.S Contains scenes that some readers may find disturbing)

**Reality Check.**

"_Hush darling." Gently she rocked the baby in her arms. The little girl was swaddled in a pale pink blanket. As she slowly rocked the cries from her baby grew gentler. "There we go…" She slipped her little finger around to rest it gently on her daughters lip. The little one started to suckle against it and Helen smiled as she gently pushed her finger in. She adored the feeling of her daughter suckling against her finger, there was something about it that made her feel they were un believably close._

Holding her close Helen walked over to the chair in the corner of the nursery. Sitting down she managed to manoeuvre the now sleeping baby around to rest against her chest. The little girl curled her tiny fingers around her mothers chest and snuggled further in. Smiling Helen started to rock back and forth on the chair. Slowly she felt the sleep coming over her, and her eyes finally closed.

_As her eyes snapped open she automatically knew that something was wrong. The warm weight she had been rocking in her arms was gone. "Ashley…" She whispered her daughters name as she stood from the chair. Walking forward she frantically scanned the room. The walk turned into a run as she held out for a sign or noise that would tell her where her daughter was. Then she saw the bundle on the floor. The pale pink blanket was covering the still mound. Shaking Helen crouched down. She took a deep breath before lifting the blanket. Stifling a scream she scooted backwards and away from the motionless baby on the floor. "No." She bought her legs around to wrap her arms around them. Shaking her head she tried desperately to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. _

_ Eventually as the tears had stopped she managed to stand again. Taking three deep breaths she walked back over to the bundle and knelt in front of it. Blinking the last of the tears away she once again lifted the blanket. She couldn't scream…or make a noise. She didn't understand. No longer was the body on the floor a baby. Instead there lay a blonde haired toddler. Her straight hair fanned out below her. The normally peachy coloured skin had lost all of it's colour, and her face was wiped of any past emotion. Helen felt the fresh tears rolling down her cheek. "No…" This time she barely managed to choke the word out through her sobs. "What was happening to her?" _

_ As she watched the small body she began to realise that it was still changing. Every time she blinked or looked away for a moment the body became older. Within a couple of minutes she was looking at a small child and within a few more the body of a teenager lay in front of her. "Ashley." The tears were rolling thick and fast. "Stop it…please stop it." But none of her pleading worked. Very quickly the body in front of her had become the Ashley she had lost. The daughter she had last known. Slowly Helen realised that the 'ageing' had stopped. Moving forward she reached out a hand to stroke the pale cheek. "I can't lose you again." She lent forward and down in order to place a kiss on her daughters cheek. She could feel her tears rolling down and landing on Ashley's cold skin. "Come back to me darling…" _

_ "Mom…" _

_ As the warm breath of the word brushed against Helen's cheek she wanted to scream. She couldn't do this anymore. Forcing herself to open her eyes she found herself looking straight into the perfect blue ones she knew belonged to her daughter. "Dear God…Ashley…" Moving quickly she lifted her into her lap and held her close to her chest. Just as she had done with the baby only minutes before. _

_ "Mom…" This time the word was quiet but definite. As Helen watched she saw a single tear roll down her daughters cheek as she carried on speaking. "You promised that you would save me Mom. You promised." With that her head rolled back._

_ "No." This time the scream left Helen's lips. She shook the lifeless body._

…

Her eyes flew open. She managed to hold the scream she could feel fighting to leave her lips. "Ashley…" She whispered the name before gently sitting up. Leaning over she took a minute before turning on her bedside lamp. Looking around she saw her bedroom. Everything was still in place…nothing was missing. There was no extra noise save her own shallow breathing. "Bloody hell." She had intended the words to be angry, but she knew that they were merely desperate. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to be angry with herself. It was a year since Ashley had died, and co-incidentally the same time as the first Ripper killings. Instead of trying to relax she had been working herself harder than usual. It had always been likely to lead to a number of disturbances in her sleep.

It was only then that Helen reached a hand up to her face. She could feel the tears rolling down her cheek on onto the duvet below her. Taking some deep breaths she tried to calm the racing of her heart, but no matter how hard she tried, or how much she calmed herself. The tears wouldn't stop. She may have woken up from the nightmare, but the reality still existed. She had still lost her daughter, and that wasn't going away.

Taking a shaking hand she opened the drawer of the table beside her bed. They were still there. In the place she had left them. Normally she would have tried to wait longer, given herself some more time to make a decision. However, she was tired and needed some sleep. She twisted the cap off before popping out two white pills. Replacing the bottle she took her water glass and swallowed them quickly before she could change her mind. She settled herself back down before letting the drug induced sleep take her. There would be no more nightmares tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Blinking Helen felt the sunlight streaming onto her eyelids. Opening her eyes she winced at the pounding in her head, she couldn't remember the last time she had woken up to sun light. Gently pushing herself up she rested a head against her hand. "This is ridiculous…" Looking over at her dressing table the realisation of the night before kicked in, the brown bottle of pills was screaming out at her. Then the memories of the previous nights nightmare came flooding back. "Ashley…" she hadn't meant to say it out loud, but she felt as though she needed to quantify taking the pills. It was never something she would have done…if there hadn't been a good reason, the pills had been sat in her drawer for a long time.

…

"Magnus…" Will put the cup of tea down on her desk as he watched his boss. There had been something wrong with her the whole day. She hadn't woken until after ten, barely spoken and didn't seem to hear any of them when they spoke. "Helen…" He barely used her first name, but he was worried now. He reached forward and placed a hand under her chin. Gently he tilted her face towards his before saying her name again. "Helen."

Finally her eyes began to focus. "I seem to have become distracted." She gently smiled at him. "I'm ok now."

Will shook his head. "We both know that's not true…" He hated pushing the issue. There were several things that remained unsaid between the two of them. One being that he didn't push her to speak to him, she always came in her own time.

"I'm tired Will…I think I'll go and get some sleep." Gently she pushed herself away from her desk before slowly leaving the room.

Will watched her leave. He hated to admit it, but this was out of his hands. Even he had to admit that he was going to need some help.

…

She was tired…so tired. Lying down on her bed she tried to fight it. It was no use. Her eyes closed as her head hit the pillow.

_ Helen looked around the room. The surrounding were familiar, but the atmosphere was not. Slowly as her eyes adjusted she found herself standing in her office. Though everything seemed to be in the same places, it all felt wrong. As though something was missing._

_ "You look lost my love. Maybe I can help?" The gravely voice spoke from the open door way._

_ Helen knew the voice from the first word. Slowly turning she looked at the man she had once loved. "What are you doing here John?" Looking towards him she slowly lifted her vision to focus on his eyes. He may have looked the same as John, but his eyes were dead of any emotion._

_ "I think you know Helen…" Stepping aside he revealed the last person she expected to see._

_ "Ashley…" It was more of a question than a statement. "I don't understand…"All of her senses were telling her that it was wrong, that it couldn't be right. But she saw her daughter standing in front of her. _

_ "Mom…" Ashley stepped forward, but as she did John's arms were wrapped around her neck, and in a moment he had his silver knife tight against her throat._

_ "I don't understand John…why would you…" Helen wrapped her arms around herself. She could feel the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. _

_ "You killed her Helen…this was all you…" John looked towards her. "You were the one who killed our daughter." Then in a flash of silver the knife went across Ashley's throat and she collapsed to the floor._

_ Helen pulled out her gun, but John was gone in a flash. Instead she ran towards Ashley scooping her daughter into her arms she moved her shaking down to her pulse, she knew that there was no point, she was already gone. Instead she stroked the blonde hair away from her daughter's eyes. The tears from her own face fell onto Ashley's skin. She rested back onto her legs and pulled Ashley's lifeless body close to her. Rocking her backwards and forwards she sobbed._

Helen blinked her eyes open, as she did she could feel the tears freely falling down her cheeks. It had been so real…it had all felt real. For the second time in as many days Helen reached for the bottle on her bedside cabinet. She took out two small white pills and quickly swallowed them before settling back down into her bed.

…

Will walked towards the front door of the Sanctuary. He took a deep breath before opening it. "Thank you for coming."

"This had better be good, I had an important appointment with a 1956 Bordeaux." With that Nikola walked into the Sanctuary.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

_"Don't make me do this…" Helen looked towards the familiar figure in front of her. She stood with her gun pointed directly towards him._

_ "I'm not making you do anything my dear." He stood there with his arm wrapped around the young woman's neck. "You could walk away…pretend you had never seen me." He smiled towards her before sniffing deeply at the young girls hair. "Don't they start them young…so." He sniffed at her again. "Fresh." _

_ Helen watched the girl whimper in front of her. She was confident of her aim, but she also knew that she didn't have a clean shot. "This had to stop John…you need to take control." She looked towards him. "Please John." _

_ John gently shook his head. "Oh Helen…Will you ever learn." With that the flash of silver flashed across the girls neck and she fell to the floor. _

_ Helen pulled the trigger too late as John was gone in a flash of red. "Dammit." She ran forwards to where the girls body lay. She blinked. "No…" Lying on the floor was no longer the girl John had been holding, but instead Ashley. Helen leant forward and stroked her finger down the side of her face. This couldn't be happening. Not again._

…

Helen broke into tears as soon as she woke up. She couldn't stop the dreams…she couldn't stop losing Ashley. Like the two nights previously she reached over to pick up the small brown bottle. The only difference being when she poured four of the small white tablets into her hand, she couldn't face another of the dreams. She couldn't face losing Ashley again. Quickly before she could start thinking better of it she tipped the tablets into her mouth and swallowed them with a large gulp of water. Then slowly she settled herself down and waited for them to take effect.

…

"Well I presume there is a reason you summoned me Young Wilheim." Nikola reclined in the chair with a large glass of red in his hands.

William looked towards him. "Lets not beat around the bush Nikola. You've known Helen for the longest amount of time…you know her when something's wrong…and I think that I need you."

Nikola gently pushed himself forward. "Do continue." Nikola looked at him, there was no doubt that despite his cocky persona there was one person who could break straight through it.

"Don't think that I'm being soft…but she's not right." Will looked at him. He knew that there wasn't much to go on, but he had to start somewhere. "She keeps taking herself off and sleeping…but she's still tired."

Nikola looked towards him. "And you expect me to do what?" Nikola looked towards him. He hated to admit it, but whatever he wanted to think his relationship with Helen wasn't as strong as he wanted it to be.

"Just talk to her Nikola…" Will looked towards him. "Find out what's going on in her head."

"But young William…you are the psychologist…surely that would be your job." Nikola was trying to be smart about the situation. He didn't want to admit that there might be something wrong with Helen…that there might be something that he couldn't fix.

"Don't be stupid Nikola. You and I both know that Helen is old enough and has been around enough psychologists to know when she is being monitored…I need you to go in there as her friend…I need to know how she responds to you." Will hated to admit that he was well out of his depth, he had known Helen for less that 7 years, and while he was getting to know her more every day. There was no challenge in his relationship as opposed to Nikola who had been in and out of her life for over 200 years.

Slowly Nikola nodded. "Ok…so I go in and talk to her. See whether there is something else going on in that magnificent mind of hers." He put down the wine glass and looked towards the younger man who if he was completely honest he was starting to admire. "We need a reason for me being her…or else she will know straight away that you've called…and then we will be back where we started."

Will nodded. "I've called you over due to a particular electronic wave being given out by one of the abnormal's we have been monitoring in South Africa. You were the best person to call regarding the situation." Will reached across and pulled out a pile of papers. "Here are your notes regarding the abnormals."

Nikola nodded. "You're obviously worried." He flicked through the papers before looking up at him. "This is Helen we're talking about Will. If there is something wrong then it wont be easy to figure it out."

This time it was Will's chance to nod. "I know that Nikola…but we have to start somewhere." He stood up before looking down at him. "I take it you know where her bed room is."

Nikola smiled towards him. "It would be criminal not to." He took another swig of wine before picking up the papers and leaving the room.

…

After three times of knocking on the heavy wooden door Nikola took a deep breath before pushing it open. He hated to admit that he wasn't sure what he was going to find. "Helen." He whispered her name as he walked into the large room. The room was dark and it took a moment for him to adjust. However once he did he could see her curled up on the bed.

"Helen." This time his voice was louder. It was seven in the evening and Helen was deeply asleep. Even he had to admit that there was something definitely wrong. He walked over to the bed and looked closer at her. Despite being asleep there was a look of tired anger on her face.

Nikola glanced around the room. It didn't take long for his eyes to settle on the brown bottle of pills sitting on her bedside table. He walked over and picked up the small bottle. From a quick glance at the label he immediately recognised the name of the heavy sedative. He slipped the bottle into his pocket before turning his attention back to Helen.

"Come on darling. What is going on?" He crouched down and looked at her. Reaching his hand out he stroked the hair away from her face. Leaning a hand against her forehead he could feel the clamminess. Despite all of his movements there was nothing from her. She didn't stir a moment.

Nikola stood up and looked down at her. He wanted to cry at the state of the woman he loved with all his being. She was lost in her dreams and there was nothing he could do…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Nikola couldn't stop himself from staying with her the whole night. He had thought about rushing her to the infirmary and having her stomach pumped, but he knew that there was no way of doing that without having questions asked about her state, and if there was one thing he knew about Helen, it was that things stayed on a need to know basis. It was one thing him being her and seeing her like this, but he wasn't sure she would cope well with having to explain to her protégé. No he would stay with her and watch her.

He knew that the chances were small, but he couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if she stopped breathing…he had gone from sitting in the chair reading a book to pacing around the room, and for the final few hours he just sat and watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

He couldn't help but be thankful about the vampire gene, it had meant he was able to stay up the whole night and keep watch over her. At one point she had turned and the whimper of pain she had let out nearly broke his heart. He wanted nothing more than to climb into the bed next to her and hold her close, he wanted to protect her…and take away whatever was hurting her.

He wanted to protect her and take away whatever was hurting her. Nikola took a deep breath before looking at her clock, it was nearly 7am. He looked back over at Helen . She may have been asleep but she looked far from peaceful. Nikola took another moment before making a decision.

Gently Nikola walked around to the other side of Helen's bed. He gently sat down before starting to move Helen so he was holding her with a hand stroking her cheek. "Come on darling girl. It's time to wake up."

…

_Helen opened her eyes, she was wandering through the Sanctuary building. Suddenly a familiar giggle cut through her. "Ashley…" As she whispered her daughters name she was sure that she saw a flash of blonde hair from the corner of one eye. Spinning around she started walking to where she thought she had seen her._

_ The she could see her straight in front of her. Sitting crossed-legged on the floor was the small child with her blonde hair flowing out behind her. Helen started walking towards her quicker and quicker. Desperate to be able to wrap her arms close around her daughter. She wanted nothing more than to be able to run her fingers through the perfect blonde hair. Blinking her eyes she kept trying to move closer, but no matter how quickly she walked, or the distance she covered Ashley didn't get any closer._

_ "You can't find me Mummy…come and find me please…" With that the small blonde girl got up and skipped away, all of the time keeping her face hidden from Helen._

_ "No…" Helen felt herself stumble forward as she reached out her hand. She sobbed trying to choke out the words. She had been so close this time…she could almost smell her daughters familiar scent. "Ashley…" Eventually the name fell from her lips in amongst a mixture of tears. Like the many nights before she wrapped her arms around herself and fell to the floor. Rocking her body backwards and forwards before everything around her fell into black._

…

Nikola felt Helen shake underneath him before he heard the scream.

"Ashley…" The noise tore at Nikola's heart. He was very quickly realising what was wrong with her.

"Come on Helen. It's only a dream. Come on darling, wake up for me now." He gently stroked the now sweaty hair back from her face.

Gently Helen opened her heavy eyes to look into his. She had known straight away from the voice who she would see, but she couldn't quite believe it until she opened her eyes to see him sitting next to her. His arms were wrapped around her, and his gentle fingers moving the hair away from her sweaty face. "Nikola…" His name was breathy and definite at the same time. She gripped his shirt in both of her fists.

Nikola gently lent down and kissed her forehead. It had been impulse, but felt as though it was the right thing to do. He pulled her closer. "So did you want to talk now or later?" He looked towards her, there was a smile in his voice, but he was still firm. He needed her to know that there would be talking between them, the only question was when.

Helen let out a gentle sigh. "I'm so tired Niko…" She nestled her head into his chest. She wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but she couldn't face any more of the dreams.

"I know." He carried on the gentle stroking through her hair, trying to calm her and relieve some of the tension. "I was so worried…I thought…" He looked down at her.

Helen gently lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She could see the concern, and she wasn't surprised. "I didn't know what else…" She broke off as she felt her voice break. She didn't want to cry in front of him…she knew that if she started then it wouldn't stop. There was too much pain waiting to come streaming out of her.

"I know Helen…but you can't keep doing this…you can't keep shutting down." He moved a hand to gently stroke the side of her cheek. "You're the most level-headed person I know…you never make a rash decision, and your always on top of everything." He glanced across to the pill bottle on her side table. "But even you need to talk sometime."

Helen looked at him. "You're not going to let this go Niko, are you?" She already knew the answer to the question, she had seen the fear in his eyes from the moment she saw him.

He gently shook his head. "Not this time Helen." He held her close as they sat in silence. Both knowing that a painful path lay ahead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi, Well to put it simply I've had a rough day…so if anyone feels like I've taken anything out on the characters I'm very sorry **

**Just a quick shout out. First to the FF4K girlies. LoveActuallyFan, chartreuseian and the awesome Emmy1512, over $500 is amazing.**

**This one is dedicated to alwayssmilingsam. If you haven't read A Long and Winding Road then go and do it, it's flipping incredible, and she is amazing for keeping me sane during long work days. Anyway ramble over. I hope you enjoy…**

**Chapter 5**

While they had only been sat in silence for a few minutes in reality, to Helen it felt like hours. Part of her wanted to run away from Nikola screaming, she didn't want to do this, and she didn't want to open up to anyone…especially not him. However there was a second part that never wanted him to stop holding her close. For the first time in a while she felt completely safe…as though she could fall into a peaceful sleep.

"So?" Nikola's gentle tones cut through her thoughts. "Have you decided whether you want to do this now or later?" He had been thinking about whether to leave it be for a while, and let Helen come round to the idea of letting him in, but the more he had thought about it. The more he realised that he was kidding himself, she was more likely to shut him out even further. He still had his hand wrapped around her, and was running his fingers across her shoulders and back in what he hoped were soothing ministrations.

Helen looked at the man she had known for so many years. Whatever she said, the relationship between them was different to everyone else. It would have been hard for it not to be considering the length of time they had known each other, without even starting on everything they had been through in all of that time. In some ways he was the only person she wanted by her side in that moment, but in others he was the last. He knew her weaknesses along side her strength, along with the things that would open the emotional gates everyone else was scared of. "I'm so tired Niko…"

Her tone was gentle, and the use of his shortened name made him aware that there was no anger towards him in her voice. Looking at her he could see the heavy bags under her eyes, and the dull of her complexion. In fact the more he looked at the more upset he became. It was becoming clear to him that Helen had been trying to fight her demons on her own for longer than she would let anyone else know. He looked down at her and gently nodded. There was no point in trying to get her to open up when she was in this sort of state. Instead he went to move from the bed, only to be stopped by her hand on his knee.

Her deep eyes were looking straight at him. There was a gentle quiver in her voice as she spoke. "Stay?" She didn't need to stay any more. Nikola gentle got back to lying beside her and held her close letting her move around until she found a comfortable position leaning against him. Slowly but surely she relaxed until she feel into a deep sleep.

…

_Helen stood watching her daughter walking towards her from the old fashioned school building. The little blonde girl was running towards her with coat and hair trailing behind her. As Helen watched she couldn't help but smile at the thought of wrapping her arms back around her daughter and being able to hold her close._

_ It was then everything changed. Ashley's eyes seemed to cloud over, and her run slowed to a walk before she stopped moving forward altogether. Her small bottom lip started to quiver followed by a single tear making its way slowly down her cheek. "Mummy…" The word was quiet as it left her lips._

_ The single word very nearly broke Helen's heart. She started walking towards her bewildered daughter. "I'm here darling…look at me Ashley." Even as the walked turned into a run she didn't seem to be getting anywhere. She couldn't get any closer to her. Despite being so far away she could clearly see the stream of tears rolling down her daughters face._

_ "I can't see you Mummy…" The words were choked out amongst the tears. The little girl turned around again, searching the playground all around her. Desperate for her Mum._

_ Helen wanted to turn away. She wanted to run and run, scream until none of this hurt any more, but she couldn't take her eyes from the small child. She couldn't forced herself away from that dreadful place. When she thought things couldn't get any worse she caught a flash of red from the corner of her eye. She blinked and as her eye lids open she saw the tall bald man standing next to Ashley, looking down at her. "No." The word was breathy as she watched. _

_ There was no way of getting her legs to move. There was no way of getting closer to her daughter despite John being stood right next to her._

_ "Are you lost?" John's voice was deep and gravely. He looked down at the small blonde. He waited a moment before reaching out a hand towards her. "Would you like me to take you back to your Mummy?" He glanced back towards Helen. The side of his lips curled into a viscious smile. "I told you that I would find her Helen…" _

_ Helen watched the pair of them with tears freely flowing. As John turned towards her it was quite clear that he could see her standing there, even if Ashley couldn't. The smirk on his face was turning her stomach._

_ There was no stopping herself from crying out as she saw Ashley's little hand lift up and grasp John's. The last thing she saw before the second flash of red light were Ashley's bright blue eyes looking up at the man who was taking her back to Mummy…_

_ Then they were gone…and she was alone… "Ashley…"_

…

Nikola held her tight as she screamed. He hadn't been able to sleep, instead he had spent the night holding her close as she had asked. There was something calming about watching her breathe, but as he watched he knew that was something was wrong as she started to murmur in her sleep.

He had tried to gently wake her before it became any worse. However it was too late, and within minutes she was screaming and starting to thrash below him. Not knowing what to do he tried to coax her out of her nightmare and back to him by stroking the hair from her face and when that didn't work by placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. He hadn't planned to do it, and as soon as he had he began to wonder whether it had been completely inappropriate. In seconds her eyes flew open and he didn't care…she was back with him.

"Nikola…." She looked at him through the exhausted eyes. She tried to hold back the emotions she could feel bubbling inside of her but it was too late. The first sob came from her mouth, and before she could stop the tears they were streaming down her face. She didn't argue as he pulled her closer and held her tight in his arms. She needed this, she needed him.

"I've got you…I promise." Seeing her like this was breaking his heart. Even more so knowing that it had been going on without anyone knowing. The strongest woman he had ever known had been breaking her heart night after night without anyone ever knowing.

By the time the sobs subsided Helen was shaking from the intensity of them. She hadn't even noticed Nikola pulling her onto his lap, but here she was. The strangest thing was that it wasn't bothering her at all. He had one hand running soothing patterns over her back, as the other held her close to him. All the time he had been gently rocking her body backwards and forwards. Trying to soothe her.

"I'm sorry…" Nikola didn't know what else to say, but it seemed appropriate. He couldn't help feeling that he had let her down, that he should have been there for her.

Helen looked at him through her puffy red eyes. "I find it amazing that I'm the one being an emotional wreck, yet you think you have a reason to apologise." She gently lifted a hand to stroke the side of his face.

He gently shook his head. "I pushed it…I should have just given you some time…I should have seen how much this was hurting you." He loosened the grip he had on her, and he was half expecting her to scoot away as quickly as she good, but she stayed there close to him.

"You were right…and I would have had the nightmare whether you had tried to talk or left it…" She broke off and glanced over to her nightstand. She wasn't surprised to see the pill bottle had been moved. Gently nodding she looked back at him. "If you're ok with it. I'd like to talk…"

Nikola looked at her before gently kissing her forehead. "I'm listening."


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm not going to lie…this got a lot more shippy than I was intending…but it just seemed right eek. Let me know if you like the direction. Or what you think in general. Tasha. xx**

**Chapter 5**

"So…" Nikola was holding her close to his chest as he rubbed soothing circles across her back. "When did they first start?" He emphasised the word knowing that she would try to make excuses to get out of explaining fully.

Helen looked up at him out of tired eyes. "Just after we realised that John was…" She broke off, even now she found it hard articulating what they called him…what she had helped make him. She furiously blinked her eyes. Being over-tired was sending her emotions into overdrive and she couldn't stop one of the tears from escaping down her cheek.

Nikola just held her close. They had all taken it hard when it had become clear what John had become, but Helen had been engaged to marry him. There was no way of telling exactly how she had felt about the situation, but he could still see the guilt she felt in her eyes. "And you didn't feel the need to tell anyone about them back then?" Nikola knew that he didn't really need to ask the question, when did Helen Magnus ever talk about her emotions and her feelings?

Helen looked at him and smiled. "I think you already know the answer…I didn't want to admit how I felt…or the guilt I felt about everything that happened to John." She gently shook her head. "So I did what I always do, I hid it."

Nikola looked towards her. It was becoming clearer to him that Helen's nightmares ran deeper than he could have imagined, and it seemed to him that there was only one real way to start helping her out of them.

Helen looked at him. The was a mixture of understanding and fear in her eyes. "You want me to tell you about the first nightmares." There was no point in playing dumb. Her and Nikola's minds worked in very similar ways and it was quite clear to her what he was thinking. After thinking for a moment she gently nodded. "Ok…"

…

_She stood on the misty bridge watching over the river. Time and time again she had been told it wasn't safe out at night…but she didn't ever listen. There was something that captivated her about the night, and how it changed things. Even the most innocent of objects became something more sinister when cast in shadow. It was the first noise behind her that sent a shiver down her spine. She could hear the footsteps approaching, though in amongst the noise of the river it wasn't clear where they were coming from._

"_Didn't anyone ever tell you not to come out alone…" The voice echoed around her as though she were standing in a cave._

_Slowly she turned around. The tall shadowy figure stood directly in front of her. He had a long dark cape thrown around his shoulders, with the hood concealing her face._

_Helen took a deep breath. "They tell me many things…that does not mean I listen." Slowly she took a step forward. "They say you come to steal womens dreams…they say you steal their lives." For some reason she couldn't place a finger on she didn't feel scared. It was intrigue coursing through her veins, and a strange desire to lift his hood._

"_They say many things…and not only about me Miss Magnus…you yourself are party to much gossip." He paused studying her face. She was just as beautiful as they often described. "They saw you meddle in places you do not belong…" He looked at her and let out a small laugh. "I suppose you have just proved them right. "But enough toying…" With a flick of his right wrist there was a flash of silver._

_Helen nodded gently. "I could help you…if I thought that you wanted help…" She looked towards him. Even knowing she may die in the next few minutes she could not stop herself from analysing. "If you are going to kill me…then would you please remove your hood?" She took another step forward. "I want to see your eyes."_

_The cloaked figure gently nodded. "As you please…" He too took a step forward and as he did pulled down the hood of his cloak._

_The face was not one she automatically recognised…there were many scars and marks that hid his features…yet the closer she looked the more she saw. There was the familiar shape of his nose along with the distinctive curl of the lip. It was the eyes that gave him away. The more she looked, the more she wanted to cry out. It took her a moment before she could muster the courage to speak. "John…" There was no doubt in her mind that underneath all of the disguise lay the man she loved._

_He nodded at her. "I was once…" He ran his fingers up the knife. "But then I changed…you changed me…" He stopped before running his free hand across her face. He dropped his voice to a whisper as he finished the damning sentence. "You changed me into a monster…" _

_Helen let out a cry as he said the final word. "John I'm so…" _

"_Do not dare say you are sorry for what you have done…" He stepped towards her so she could feel his breath against her skin. "Your words mean nothing anymore. He lifted a hand to cover her mouth._

_There was a flash of silver…_

…

Helen wasn't sure when she had started crying, but now the tears had started she wasn't sure how she was going to stop them. As she had spoken Nikola had pulled her closer and closer. While it had been a dream she was recounting. They both knew that there were elements of truth flying around in it.

"I wish you had told me…" Nikola trailed off. "We could have tried to help…" He looked down at the woman he had loved for over a century. "You shouldn't have carried any of this on your own Helen.

She looked back up at him before gently shrugging her shoulders. "Why would I risk hurting another person I love?" The sentence was quiet, but she knew that he had heard, and that was all that she had wanted.

"Helen…"

"Don't Nikola…" She ran a hand across his cheek before gently sighing. "I wish it had been you…" She couldn't finish instead she gently pulled his head towards hers and brushed her lips against his. The contact only last a second, but it was enough.

Nikola looked down at her. "One thing at a time Helen…" He ran his thumb across her lips. He wanted nothing more than to declare his unconditional and undying love for her right there, but it wouldn't achieve anything.

Helen gently nodded. "I'm really tired Niko…" She rested her head back against his shoulder.

"Sleep then darling…I'll be here when you wake up…"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Helen felt herself drifting away from reality and towards the dream world she so feared. She tried to stop herself...she couldn't face any more, but while she battled the tiredness she already knew that she was losing. Her body was exhausted.

…

_Helen stood at the corner of the park she so loved. She found some of the simple things in life such as walking barefoot in grass, and being able to take some time to watch the world go by around her. It was this she was doing as she moved her hands to rest of her swollen stomach. From the size of her bump and the timings of her monthly cycles she had worked out with James that she was around 22 weeks pregnant. _

_Slowly Helen walked through the park before deciding to sit on one of the simple benches that had been set up around the park. After finding out that she was pregnant it had taken a while to make the decision about what to do. In her heart she had known straight away that she would never be able to remove the child from her body. Now she had chosen to become a mother she couldn't imagine any other decision, she was loving every moment of being pregnant._

_Leaning back against the bench she took a moment to think about what was to come. Listening to the laughter of the children in the park she allowed her mind to roam to the times that lay ahead. The moments she would be able to spend playing with her own child in the grass. _

_Suddenly her surroundings changed…no longer was she stood within the park. Instead she found herself in a murky alley-way. Looking around she became quickly confused. Then it dawned on her where she was, as soon as she realised she wished that she hadn't. The alley way around her was the site of the first Ripper killing. Taking a deep breath she tried to turn around and walk away._

"_Helen…" The all too familiar voice rang around her head and she suddenly felt the hands gripping her from behind. The fingernails digging deep into her skin._

"_No…" The word became a sob as she fought against the figure behind her. He was trying to turn her around. Trying to get her to betray the secret she was trying to hide. She didn't have the energy to fight him. No matter how much she wanted to…her secret was about to be discovered._

_As John turned her around he spent a moment studying the face he knew, before his eyes moved down her body. They rested on the bump that was more than a little obvious. "Helen…" He looked at her, the darkness in his eyes fading slightly as he realised what was happening._

_Gently Helen shook her head. There was a gentle flow of tears running down her cheek. "Please John…let me go…" It sounded so stupid pleading with him._

_His grip moved to her wrists as he pushed her up hard against the wall. The forced was so great that her head bounced back with a sickening thud against the wall. It knocked the breath out of her. He pushed his own weight against hers. Leaning his head in his warm breath against her ear. "I'll never let you go…either of you." _

_Helen struggled against his grip. She could feel a rising sensation in her stomach, before she realised what was happening her stomach began to heave in protest to the stress it was under. Her arms were released and she fell to the floor. Heaving as wave after wave of sickness came over her. All she could think about through the waves of sickness and tears was that John was stood over her watching every move…_

_Her eyes closed as she felt the darkness washing over her for the second time that night. She could feel John's hands back around her arms shaking her back into reality, but she was gone…_

…

_ With a jolt Helen woke up in her own bed. Her first reaction was to bring her hands down to her stomach. She couldn't help but breathe out a sigh of relief as her hands ran over the hardening swell of her stomach. As she relaxed back into her bed she realised that it had all been a nightmare…she was ok._

_ It was only as she let her eyes gently close to fall back to sleep that she realised something was wrong. Suddenly she felt a shooting pain across her stomach before the cramps began. Slowly lifting back the bed sheets she saw the deep red stain spreading across her bed. As another pain hit she cried out…_

…

As Helen screamed she quickly began hyperventilating.

"Hush darling…I've got you…" Nikola held her close. He had spent the whole time she had been sleeping watching her. She had been monitoring her breathing and movements. Part of her had wanted to wake up to save her from any nightmare she might be having, but at the same time he knew that she needed to rest. She hadn't slept properly in days, and he couldn't bring himself to wake her. Now though as he rocked her backwards and forth he wished he had been able to bring her out of the pain…he wished more than anything he could stop her from hurting. It was killing him inside watching her fall to pieces every time she closed her eyes.

Helen looked up at him, then something changed in her eyes and she tried to push him away. "You have to leave." She took a gulp of air to try and stop the tears from falling.

Nikola looked at her. His expression a mix of confusion and pain. "I don't understand." He tried to keep holding her as she pushed herself away.

"I can't do this Niko…you don't understand…" Now the tears were flowing fast and freely. She looked up at the man who had been caring for her as he tried to bring her back from the pain she was in.

Nikola refused to let go. He pulled her close and held her face in his hands. "Helen…I'm not going anywhere." He leaned his forehead in so it was pressing against hers. The tip of his nose was touching hers.

Helen reached a hand up to stroke the side of his face. "I can't lose you Niko…" She loved the feel of him being so close. He made her feel whole again, she felt completely safe when she was with him, as though nothing could touch her.

He looked back at her. "I don't understand…a minute ago you wanted me to go…" He lent back slightly before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Helen tipped her head slightly to look into his eyes. "Everyone I've loved has left me…or died Niko…or worse. Ashley…James…John…Will." She knew that Will was still part of life at the Sanctuary, but she had lost him or seen him hurt more times than she could count.

Nikola looked at her, it was all starting to make sense. "Helen Magnus…you have been trying to get rid of me for the best part of a century…and it hasn't worked yet." He was pleased when a small smile glanced across Helen's face.

"You know what I mean…" She looked at him. "I can't keep doing this Nikola…I can't face another lifetime of these nightmares…I can't lose anyone else…in reality or my dreams."

Nikola looked at her. "What happened darling…" He moved around to the side of her and helped move her so she was leaning against him, her body heat melting into his.

She looked at him. "I was pregnant…and then there was John…" She stopped and looked back up at him. "Then I lost…well then I wasn't pregnant…I was empty…so empty." Helen hadn't realised as she spoke that the tears had started flowing back down her face.

Nikola held her close again. "We need to do something Helen." He looked down at her. "We need to treat this, it isn't going to go away on it's own. Not anymore." He had been watching the way these dreams were tearing her apart. They were vivid and deeply set within her brain. The horrendous events she had been through appeared to have cause some mental scarring that was the deep root of the nightmares.

She slowly nodded. "Tomorrow?" She looked up at him.

Nikola nodded. "Tomorrow." He was already starting to think through where they would be able to start when he felt her gentle hand wrap around his. She moved slightly to rest against him. "I'll be here when you wake up sweetheart."

"Always…" The word was quiet but loud enough to make sure that he heard. She gave his hand another gentle squeeze.


	8. Chapter 8

**So...this is absolutely not where I was expecting this to go...but it happened and then the next thing happened...and suddenly I had turned my whole fic on it's head. Basically let me know what you think as I am really not sure...and some hints as to where you would like to see this fic heading next...**

**Chapter 8**

Helen had been in a light sleep for a couple of hours. Having Nikola's arms wrapped around her seemed to have made a difference, and she had made it through three hours of sleep without anything too bad in her head. As she blinked open she felt herself panic. There was an emptiness next to her, and she quickly realised that Nikola's arms were no longer wrapped around her body. "Nikola…" The word was a whisper. Wrapping her arms back around herself she couldn't help but lightly pinch her arm, she needed to know what was real, was she real. The pinching sensation quickly made her realise that it was herself.

Helen felt the relief coarse through her body as she realised she wasn't dreaming, but that caused her a whole new problem…Nikola had left, he had promised to be there when she woke up…she couldn't do this…not without him…he had left her…they had all left her…

…

Nikola walked up the stairs, he had sat watching Helen sleeping for an hour. She seemed peaceful, and while he didn't want to leave her. He also knew that she hadn't eaten properly for days. While he by no means a culinary chef, he did know how to make a decent breakfast. Now he walked up the stairs balancing a tray of pastries with a selection of fresh fruit and beverages. Nikola knocked gently on her bedroom door before going in. \he was expecting her to still be in the bed sleeping in the position he had left her. It was clear from the state of the bed that she had vacated it in a hurry. The bed clothes were scattered across the room. He carefully put the tray down on her chest of drawers before stepping towards the bed. It was still warm and held her gentle scent, he took a deep breath before turning around.

The door to her en-suite was pushed to, but definitley not locked, in that moment Nikola realised that something was really wrong, with lighting speed he had opened the door and was stepping inside. He hadn't been fully prepared for the scene that greeted him. Helen was sprawled out across the marble floor. Then he saw them, clasped in her outstretched hand was an evil brown bottle of pills. She had obviously stashed a bottle away where no one could find it. Quickly kneeling beside her he started all of the normal checks. She was barely breathing and her pulse was weak. He knew that they didn't have much time.

…

As Helen had always taught them the whole Sanctuary team were down in the infirmary within ten minutes of getting the call, yet none of them were expecting the patient lying on the bed to have been Helen.

"Dude, what did you do?" Henry's voice was quiet and there was a quiver behind it that displayed the seriousness of the situation to his friends around him.

It was Biggie that quickly took charge, he looked towards Nikola who was still holding the empty brown bottle. "Ugh...all of them?" Having taken in the situation around him he had quickly realised what must have happened. In his head it seemed completely wrong, but he also knew that Helen hadn't been right for a long time.

Nikola silently nodded. He handed over the bottle of pills before taking a tight hold of Helen's hand. He stroked the hair away from her face. "I'm sorry darling..." He looked towards Helen's faithful friend. "Can we sort this...will she..." He hated not being in control of the situation, but he clearly wasn't and he didn't his judgement when it came to being about Helen.

He nodded. "We need to...ugh...pump her stomach and keep her awake...ugh...ugh. Can you keep her with us?" He looked towards the vampire. He had been quietly watching them and could see how much she meant to him. Though he needed to be completely honest with him and the rest of the team. "This wont be easy for anyone..." He looked round at the three men in the room. "Ugh ugh...we all need to be strong for Helen..." He watched as Henry and Will slowly nodded. This still appeared to be in shock from the whole situation.

Then he looked to Nikola. He was still gripping Helen's limp hand tightly in his own, but he nodded towards him. "I'm here..." It was only two words, but they meant so much.

…

"Nooo." The scream of pain left Helen's lips as Biggie started to try and insert the tube for the stomach pump. He had gently ushered Will and Henry from the room before starting. He knew that there was no way Nikola was leaving. As soon as they were out the room he had quickly given Helen a shot to bring her around so he could start. He needed her awake before anything could be done to help her.

Helen blinked her eyes open as the shot kicked in. She saw Biggie before realising he was there, and he was holding her hand tight. As she started to remember what had happened she let out a groan.

"I have to...ugh ugh...do this now Helen. Need to clear your system quickly." He moved with the tube before nodding to Nikola who held Helen down as gently as he could. "It wont be long now darling...I promise." He watched the pain in Helen's eyes as Biggie started to work, and it broke his heart knowing that there was nothing he could do about it.

She started to thrash underneath him. Making it harder for Biggie to carry on with the work. Nikola gently took her hands and held them tight while looking at her. "Come on Helen...please." He stroked the sweaty hair back from her face as he spoke.

She looked at him for a moment before slowly nodding. There were tears rolling down her face as she let Biggie continue the work.

Never once did Nikola take his eyes away from her. His hand stroking through her hair as the other one held hers tight. He only let go to wipe the stray liquid away from her mouth. Or to cool her down.

Helen was so tired. It would be so simple to sleep. She could just close her eyes and it would all be finished.

"Don't you dare..." Nikola started rubbing her cheeks. "You are not going to give up on me."

Biggie finished working and began to slowly remove the tube. Despite being careful Magnus began retching in protest. He watched the monitors and began to realise that she was out of the woods. So he quietly left, leaving the two of them to their much needed talk.

Nikola just sat for a time watching her. Even the simple movement of her breathing kept him captivated. He had come far too close to losing her. He had to say something. He needed her to know. "When I saw you lying there Helen...I thought that..." He couldn't bring himself to say it, he didn't want to admit how close it had all been.

"You had left me..." She looked away from him. She was no doubt an absolute mess and as she came around she was becoming more conscious of it.

"To make you breakfast..." He sighed before breathing in sharply. "Helen did you...because I..." It had suddenly dawned on him that all of this was because she had woken up thinking that he had left her.

"I didn't know why you would stay for me..." She looked back towards him, allowing him to see the tears flowing gently down her face. "I've lost or hurt everyone that I've ever loved or cared for. Ashley...John. God even Will and Henry have been hurt by being around me." She gently turned her head and looked towards him. "I couldn't face the thought of living knowing that I had lost you as well."

Nikola sat on the bed next to her. "Helen...I've been looking for excuses to come and see you for the past century..." He paused. "But more than that I've been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you how much I..." He looked at her. This was it. "Helen Magnus...I love you."

**So...was it awful? What did you think...do I carry on with a nice shippy fic? Let me knowww. Tasha. xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Helen looked at him. Her eyes searching his face for the tell tale sign that he was joking, but it didn't come. "I don't understand Niko."

This time he couldn't resist. "Well generally when one person pronounces their love for another, it tends to mean that they have certain feelings for said person…" He broke off. "I mean this Helen." He sat next to her. "No jokes or smart gimmicks…just me admitting how I have felt about you for such a long time." He looked at her. "I hate to admit it, but my life will mean nothing if I don't have you by my side." There he had said it, Nikola Tesla the internationally renowned genus had laid his emotions down straight in front of her.

"I can't lose you Niko…" The words were quiet and held a quiver as she struggled to control her emotions. She looked at him. "I couldn't easily get through seeing you die…but to lose you while we are both still alive…it would break my heart." She hated it, but in so many ways she had hoped that they would never have to have this conversation. "All of this…" She waved towards her head. "These stupid nightmares and the whole reason you're here. All of this is because of everything…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "There because of everyone I've lost…John…James…Ashley." Helen's voice cracked as she said her daughter's name. Even now she hated talking about it.

Nikola looked at her. He could see the fear and pain in her eyes, he knew that she was scared…but he had to try. He wanted them to try. "Helen…" He looked at her gently lifting a hand to cup her face. He ran his thumb across her cheek bones, completely transfixed by her eyes. Then he gave into it "I get it…" He didn't want to sound patronising, this was serious and he needed her to know that. "I've never lost a child, and God knows I can only begin to imagine how hard that must be….but with John we all hurt so much. I know you were betrothed, but the pain of losing him the way we did hurt us all so deeply." Nikola wasn't one for admitting his emotions, but he knew that this was the time…she needed to know what he meant.

"This is different though…this is our choice, and what if…" She looked at him. "I want nothing more than to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life…but if it's a choice of having you as my lover for half of my life…or a friend for my whole life." She felt the tear welling in the corner of her eye. "I'm not sure I can make the decision you want." The more she spoke was making this more and more painful. She had known for a long time that her feelings for Nikola ran deeper than a friendship, but she had always tried to hide them away, so as to save going through this painful circle.

Nikola looked at her. He understood what she was saying, but he knew that this was right. "Helen…" He held her face gently making sure that she was looking straight at him. "It's you…it's only ever been you. What's the point in this whole damn existence without you?" It was a question that he wasn't expecting an answer to, but one that had been resting heavy on him for a long time.

"You'll always have me Niko." She rested a hand on top of his. Gently she ran her fingers across it.

Nikola shook his head. "No. None of this is right." He pulled away turning from her face before pulling his final move. "How can you of all people be so difficult about this. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.' If Albert didn't write that for situations like this then I have no idea what the point of it was." He knew that it was one of her favourite passages by someone who's work she adored. "I wont ever let you fall Helen…"

Helen sat for a moment staring across the room at heaven knows what. In her head she was trying to piece together everything Nikola had been saying and make sense of it. However that was easier said than done. The one thing that kept coming back to her was the phrase. Nikola had known when he used it that it was one of her all time favourites, but she wouldn't have ever thought that it would apply to her. "Bloody Albert…" She whispered it under her breath. She thought for a moment longer before quickly turning her head in order to catch Nikola's lips against her own in a spontaneous kiss.

Nikola's eyes widened at the contact, but he didn't question it. Instead he pulled her slightly closer into a more intimate embrace as the kiss became more passionate. It was only when the need for air became over-whelming that they drifted apart. He tried to take in her flushed face and slightly swollen lips. "Well that was…" There were so many words he could use to describe the encounter. "Unexpected." As he said it he instantly wished that he had taken more time to come up with something profound.

Helen looked at him with a serious look on her face. "If we're going to do this Nikola…then we do it properly." She rested a hand gently on his thing. Looking into his deeps eyes she could feel her pulse flutter. "I don't want to sneak around…or act as though this is some sordid fling.

Nikola looked at her thinking for a moment. Slowly he undid the chain hidden underneath his shirt. It had been a present from years ago. The small silver disk had the symbol for infinity carved into it. "I'm pretty sure you know what this means." He stood up before gently placing it around Helen's neck. "I want you to have it…just so you remember." He did it up before gently kissing her neck.

"You don't have to…" Helen fingered the gentle band before relaxing into the contact. She knew how much the chain meant to him.

"I know…but I want to." He moved around and gently pulled her so they were lying next to each other on the bed. He ran his gentle fingers up and down her face before kissing her again. This time it quickly became something more. Become hastily more breathless he pulled back. "Are you sure?"

Helens' fingers quickly worked around his groin area to give his answer, but just in case he wasn't convinced she lent forward and whispered into his ear. "Oh yes…"


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I have to admit that when I started writing this I did not see Chapter 10 panning out like this…however it has. Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing and following the story. Reviews really do make me smile, so if you have a spare minute then please leave one. Tasha. xx**

**Chapter 10**

Helen stretched out slightly as she woke up. She wasn't proud to admit that there had been times in her life she had woken up next to someone and instantly regretted what had happened in the previous night. However this was different. She woke up with Nikola's arms around her, and for the first time in a while her whole body felt relaxed having had the undisturbed sleep it so needed. Then she realised she had woken up to the comforting feeling of his fingers running through her tousled hair. "Morning." She twisted slightly so she was able to see him looking down at her.

Nikola smiled back. "I didn't mean to wake you…it's just your hair…" He continued moving his fingers through it. Pausing for a moment he lent in so he could gently kiss her. "Last night was…"

"Amazing…" Helen finished for him, needing him to know that she had felt the same. There had been a chance after all the emotional build up that being together wouldn't have been what either of them had expected, instead in seemed to have only enhanced their time together. Nikola had been the gentleman Helen needed, and she had met and exceeded any expectation he may have had.

Nikola couldn't help but smile a little. "We were pretty incredible." He kissed her again, this time the kiss lingered a little longer. There was something about her that drew him in, and he couldn't get enough.

Helen ran her slender fingers up and down his bare arm. "I suppose we should think about getting up." In al honesty in was the last thing that she wanted to think about. She was curled up in her warm bed with the man she had been trying to fight feelings for the best part of the last century.

"Mmm…" Nikola pulled her closer. "I could think of much more productive things to do." He went to dive under the covers before Helen caught him and bought him back up to face level.

"Not now…" She winked at him. "Too much of a good thing…" She did however kiss him again before making to get out of the bed.

"Err and where do you think you're going?" Quick as anything Nikola had flipped her and pinned her beneath him. His hands were gentle on her arms, but he had spread his weight evenly to ensure that she wouldn't be going anywhere in a hurry.

"Well unlike some people, I do have things to do today." Helen couldn't believe how relaxed she was feeling, of course it wasn't perfect, but so much of the heaviness she had been feeling seemed to have been lightened. She was starting to feel like herself again.

"While last night didn't end quite the way I expected." He ended the sentence with a kiss. "We still need to set up some time for you to talk…" He trailed off before thinking. "I will understand if it's not me you want to talk to about this, but you and I both know that you can't just hide away from it." He released one arm so he could stroke a stray hair away from her face.

Helen looked at him, she knew in her heart that he was right. No matter how light and free she felt laying in bed with him, nothing had changed that much in her mind. Nikola couldn't stay with her forever. "I don't…" despite knowing that he was making sense, Helen couldn't face the idea of being analysed…there were things buried deeper than she cared to admit, and she worried that if some of them were to be bought forward again, that she may not cope with facing them for a second time. She felt a tear well in the corner of her eye. "I guess you don't get to my age without a certain amount of baggage." She tried to lighten the tone, but from the look on Nikola's face she could tell that it hadn't worked.

"Don't brush this off…we both know that you need it…" Nikola took the pressure off of her and rolled away. This time it was him that swung his legs around and went to get out of the bed. "We nearly lost you Helen…" He turned round and looked back at her. "This isn't something you can brush off…and it isn't something you can fix on your own." He stood up and walked towards the en-suite. Grabbing the spare robe on the side as he went.

Helen sat watching for a moment, she was trying hard to make sure that she didn't get distract by his bare behind. She hadn't meant to hurt him. He was right about one thing, she wasn't going to be able to face this on her own. Whether she liked it or not, the whole thing had become too much for her, and resulted in the trip to the infirmary. Helen looked towards the door of the en-suite. He had pushed it too. Gently standing up from the bed she walked towards it and pushed it open.

Nikola turned to face her. He didn't bother trying to wipe the single tear away from his face. "Yesterday you talked about not wanting to lose me." He tried to keep his voice as strong as possible. "Yet you forgot that we faced losing you Helen…when I came in her and found…" He couldn't finish, he didn't want to remember her lying on the floor.

Helen walked towards him and placed her hand on top of his. "I'm sorry…" She raised her other hand to stroke down the side of his face. "You wont lose me…" She made the statement sound like something of truth. In that moment she made her decision, looking at the man that no matter how much she hated to admit it, but the man she loved she couldn't deny it. "It scares me Niko…there's so much in here." She motioned to her head. "There's some of it that I don't know if I can stand to let it out…"

He nodded. "I know Helen…but I think that you have to." He kissed her forehead again, as he had so many times before. "I'm not going anywhere." He took her hand tight in his own. "Long-haul remember."

Helen smiled weakly. She had realised that this was not something he would be giving up on. "I want it to be you…" She had thought about her choices, and while she trusted Will, she wasn't sure that she was ready to give up some of her past to him yet. Nikola knew her intimately, and she knew that he would take this on properly, and not let her get away with trying to run away.

Nikola pulled her close. "Ok…together." He took both of her hands and held them tight.

**A/N: So…what did you think? It only seemed right that Helen still has to face her demons…even a night with her vampire wasn't going to chase them all away But squueeee to the Teslen love. :D xx**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Nikola Tesla was always the first to admit that he was a perfectionist, he was also very quick to remind them that him being a perfectionist had won him the accolades and rewards.

So as he started to stir from his dream he was trying to decide on the perfect way to end the time he had spent with Helen. He had waited over a century for a chance to be with her in an intimate way, and he refused to screw it up. He had finally decided on a French style breakfast in bed with a glass of bubbly, however it was when he had made that decision that he first started to think something was wrong. The bed around him felt cold, he moved his hands around yet found no extra body lying next to his. His eyes flew wide open, and as he looked around it was clear that Helen was nowhere to be seen in the bedroom, let alone where he had been expecting to find her, lying next to him in her bed.

Very quickly Nikola's mind went back to the last night. He had waited over a century to be with her as he had last night, it had been everything he had ever imagined and more. They had both gone to bed smiling, he knew that it sounded corny, but he also knew it would take a while to wipe the smile from his face.

Nikola was well aware that he had heard anyone else talking about the previous night as he wanted to then he would very quickly tell them how much of an arrogant arse they were, but he had watched Helen Magnus fall asleep in his arms. The peaceful smile on her face had captivated him so much that he had spent the next two hours watching her. Her gentle breathing patterns and fluttering heartbeat all added to the beautiful picture in his arms.

So even as Nikola spent time looking back over the last night he didn't understand what had gone wrong, then he thought back to the very reason he had come, quickly he threw off the covers and got out of the bed. He needed to find Helen.

…

As Helen woke she couldn't help but think about how comfortable she was lying there in his arms. She looked up at his peaceful face. Despite the length of time she had know him, she had only seen him asleep a handful of times. As he had always quickly informed her. 'The vampire part of my genetic make up has no requirement for the mortal inconvenience they call sleep.' Yet even Nikola had to admit that occasionally the mortal side of him had to indulge in the 'inconvenience.' So as Helen lay there watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest in time with his gentle breathing, she couldn't help but think how beautiful he looked.

Though as she watched she was sure that she could feel a small part of her heart tearing. She had done the one thing that she had sworn never to do…she had fallen in love with Nikola Tesla…gently Helen released herself from his arms without waking him. She needed some time to think.

…

Helen sat in her lab. She wrapped her arms tight around herself, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't clear her mind of the thoughts from the day. She could only think about what she had let happen. As the tears started rolling down her face she squeezed the glass in her hand tighter and tighter. Finally with a scream she hurled it against the nearest wall. What had she done…? She wanted nothing more than to scream and scream until some of the pain subsided. After John and James she had promised herself that she would never let herself love a friend again, it hurt so much more to lose someone you had grown to love in more than one way.

…

Nikola heard the crash as he saw the glass fly across the room. He hurried in to find Helen sat with tears streaming down her face. "I don't understand." His normal confident voice was quiet…

Helen looked towards him. "Simple…I screwed it up…again…" She turned away not wanting to look at him, she didn't want to be reminded of everything they had before she had taken it too far.

"You can't be serious Helen…last night was perfect…" He had thought about using another word to describe it, but there was no other description he found adequate, it had been perfect.

It took her a lot of effort to look straight towards him, she could hear the pain in his voice as he spoke and was pretty sure that it would be painted across his face. "But that's the problem Niko…it wont stay that way." She turned away again, she couldn't keep looking at the hurt on his face…

"Why not…" He stepped towards her, gently he placed a hand on the side of her face before turning it to face him. "We could be brilliant…" He lent down and gently kissed her lips. Trying to ignite everything she had felt last night. "We are brilliant…"

Helen felt her body responding firstly to his touch, and then to the kiss that met her own lips. She wanted nothing more than to drag him bag towards the bedroom for an encore of the previous night. "No…" She tore her lips away before standing up and hastily leaving the room, furiously trying to wipe the angry tears from her face.

Nikola could do nothing but watch as she walked away from him again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 **

He watched her starting to walk away from him. He wasn't sure whether the feeling bubbling inside of him was anger or pain…but whatever it was, it wasn't going to stay hidden much longer. "It's funny…everyone talks about how strong the great Helen Magnus is…but she can't even face up to her feelings…" He couldn't hold the words back, there was no way he was going to let her walk away from him without making her realise that he was serious this time.

Helen turned round, her tear stained face glistening in the light. "Really Nikola…do you really want to play that game? You and I both know who will come out on top." She knew that he was hurting, and she understood that, but why didn't he see what was for the best? It would never work between them…

"That depends on whether you're going to stop trying to shut me out…" He crossed his arms and looked towards her. "Firstly you open up to me and make me feel as though I'm finally getting somewhere…and then you decide to go all theatrical and try and walk away from me…" If it hadn't been such a serious matter then he may have found it all quite amusing, but this was far too close to his own heart for any laughter about it.

Helen sighed. "For heavens sake Nikola…this…us is never going to work, and you know that as well as I do. What on earth is the point in pretending otherwise." She looked at the vampire she had known well over a century. This had been the last thing she wanted, she had never meant to hurt him. "Why couldn't he have simply let her walk away, then they could have carried on as though nothing had happened. Why had the vampire had to bring feelings into the equation.

He looked at her. "So you went to bed with me for what…fun?" Nikola looked towards her, he would never have believed that he would stand there questioning their night together…but he had felt that it was so much more.

"Come on Nikola…that was just pent up tensions…surely you knew it would become nothing more." Helen wasn't sure what was worse, the fact that she was hurting Nikola, or lying to herself about the way she felt. "It can't have been any different to the other flings you have surely had."

He shook his head. "I know that you don't mean that…I could see the way you looked at me Helen…like you…" He broke off, there was no way that he was going to put the words into her mouth. "I would never have gone to bed with you if I had know it didn't mean any more that a 'fling' to you." This time Nikola was being completely truthful, in his eyes their night together had been the start of a relationship between them, the first sign that there was a future for the pair of them.

Helen looked up. "You must know that this would never work…" The tears glistening in her eyes were threatening to fall again. The Helen part of her wanted to run towards him and fling his arms around her…but the Magnus part kept nagging that she shouldn't get carried away…that this would only end in tears and she would lose another one of her best friends.

"Why not…" He took a step towards her. "Helen Magnus, I have loved you for well over a century, from the moment I set eyes on you I couldn't get the sight of you from my mind…" He paused. "Then when I realised that you had the potential to become my educational equal…well it was then I knew you were the woman for me." He paused and looked at her. "There was never anyone else…no one ever came close to the way I felt…no the way that I feel about you Helen."

"Nikola…" By now the tears were rolling down Helen's cheeks, she had tried to stop them, but it was too late. "I can't lose you…" She looked at the face she had grown to love, with the crazy hair and cheeky grin.

He shook his head at her. "I am fed up of all these stupid excuses about why this wont work." He sighed, it was time to be completely honest with her if he was going to win her round. "I've been trying to think up ways to come and see you every year for the past century…a reason to come and have an extended stay with you…so when Will called…" He trailed off. He couldn't read her face, and he wasn't sure if he could face laying his emotions on the line for them to be rebuked.

"I didn't know…" Helen was slowly starting to realise the depth of feelings he held for her, and the more she looked at him, the more she realised just how hard she had fallen for him.

"No…and I didn't want you to…" Nikola swept towards her before quickly getting down on one knee and taking her hand. "But I'm here now Helen…and I know that there is no where else I would rather be…"

Helen looked down at him, she was completely clueless about what was going on… "Nikola what are you doing?"

"I don't have a ring…and I'm pretty sure you're meant to…so for the time being…Helen Magnus, will you be mine forever?" He looked up towards her gently holding her hand in his…


	13. Chapter 13

Fluffy final chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Tasha. Xx

**Chapter 13 **

"Helen will you please hurry up…" Nikola shouted up the stairs towards his wife. He looked back down at the expensive time piece on his arms. The table was booked for twenty minutes time, and anyone that knew Nikola also knew how much he hated to be late.

Helen finally appeared at the top of the stairs. "She wont settle.." She started walking down the stairs with their 10 week old daughter Maisie in her arms. The babies cries were slowly becoming gentler the longer she was in her mothers arms, but as soon as Helen stopped moving they quickly started becoming louder. Helen started swaying around gently to try and soothe the crying baby.

Nikola sighed. "That's why you were meant to get dressed and go…" He stroked their daughters head, knowing that Helen would never have been able to go out without knowing that the little girl was settled and asleep.

Helen looked at him. "I just…" She looked down at their daughter, she had been such a surprise that they both wanted to make the most out of every minute they had with her. "I just didn't want to leave her…she wasn't settling with anyone else." Sometimes Helen couldn't help but dislike the strength of the maternal instinct she felt, she could never leave her baby crying out for her.

Nikola nodded. "Maybe it was too soon to try and go out." He looked at his watch and realised that they weren't going to make the table anyway now. "How about you take her back upstairs and I'll come and meet you with a tray of something?" He stroked Helen's hair back from her face before kissing her again.

Helen smiled at him. "It wont be forever Niko…" She kissed him back, while she knew how much he loved her and their daughter, she also knew how hard he was finding it that there was someone else more needy that him in their lives. "Come on darling." She lifted the little girl up slightly and carried her back up the stairs, trying all the while to coax her back into a sleep.

…

Nikola pushed the door to their bedroom open. The Big Guy had been in the kitchen when he had gone in, and between them they had managed to whip up a tasty looking pasta dish. Along with two large glasses of red Nikola thought the tray of food looked rather appetising. Walking through the door he couldn't help but smile. Helen was sat on their bed resting against the headboard with Maisie sleeping on her chest.

Nikola set the tray of food down, they could always heat it up again later. Gently he climbed into the bed next to Helen and wrapped his arms around her while gently moving them both to be resting in his arms. Looking down at Maisie he couldn't help but love absolutely everything about her. She had blonde hair with the gentlest of curls, and piercing blue eyes. She was everything he could ever have wanted. Moving his eyes he looked at Helen, his Helen. He had never wanted to let himself believe that one day his dreams may become a reality, that the two of them would be married with a baby, yet here they were.

"I'm sorry for ruining your plans." Helen was only half awake as she moved into the side of him. She gentle snuggled down into him, loving the familiar smell of him sitting all around her.

"Don't be…like I said downstairs, it was too soon." Nikola gently kissed the top of her forehead. "Besides, I've got all the time in the world to treat you and take you out for fancy dinners. This little one is only ever going to be a baby once." He ran his hand back over Maisie's head. "And I plan on making the most of every minute of it.

Helen kissed her husband gently on the lips, since coming to her rescue during those awful nightmares the two of them had grown closer every day, and now she couldn't imagine her life without him by her side. "No regrets?" She kissed him again as she asked the question.

Nikola gently shook his head as he looked at the two most important things in his life. "Without you two by my side? Never."


End file.
